Rousai no Richou wa hakugaku saiei, tenpou no matsunen, wakakushite na o kobou ni tsurane, tsuide kounan'i ni hoserareta ga, sei, kenkai, mizukara tanomu tokoro sukoburu atsuku, senri ni amanzuru o isagiyoshi to shinakatta. Ikubaku mo naku kan o shirizoita ato wa, kozan, kakuryaku ni kiga shi, hito to majiwari o tatte, hitasura shisaku ni fuketta. Geri to natte nagaku hiza o zokuaku na taikan no mae ni kussuru yori wa, shika toshite no na o shigo hyakunen ni nokosou to shita no de aru. Shikashi, bunmei wa youi ni agarazu, seikatsu wa hi o oute kurushiku naru. Richou wa youyaku shousou ni kararete kita. Konokoro kara sono youbou mo shoukoku to nari, niku ochi hone hiide, gankou nomi itazurani keikei to shite, katsute shinji ni toudai shita koro no houkyou no bishounen no omokage wa, dokoni motomeyoumo nai. Suunen no ato, hinkyuu ni taezu, saishi no ishoku no tame ni tsui ni setsu o kusshite, futatabi higashi e omomuki, ichichihou kanri no shoku o houzuru koto ni natta. Ippou, kore wa, onore no shigyou ni nakaba zetsubou shita tame demo aru. Katsute no douhai wa sude ni haru ka koui ni susumi, kare ga mukashi, donbutsu toshite shiga nimo kakenakatta sono renchuu no kamei o haisaneba naranu koto ga, ounen no shunsai Richou no jisonshin o ikani kizutsuketa ka wa, souzou ni katakunai. Kare wa ouou to shite tanoshimazu, kyouwai no sei wa iyoiyo osaegatakunatta. Ichinen no ato, kouyou de tabi ni de, josui no hotori ni tadotta toki, tsuini hakkyou shita. Aru yahan, kyuuni kaoiro o kaete nedoko kara okiagaru to, nanika wake no wakaranu koto o sakebitsutsu sonomama shita ni tobiorite, yami no naka e kakedashita. Kare wa nido to modotte konakatta. Fukin no sanya o sousaku shite mo, nan no tegakari mo nai. Sono go Richou ga dounatta ka o shiru mono wa, dare mo nakatta.

Yokunen, kansatsugyoshi, chingun no Ensan to iu mono, chokumei o houjite reinan ni tsukaishi, michi ni shouo no chi ni yadotta. Tsuginoasa mada kurai uchi ni shuppatsu shiyou to shita tokoro, ekiri ga iu koto ni, korekara saki no michi ni hitokuidora ga deru yue, tabibito wa hakuchuu de nakereba, toorenai. Ima wa mada asa ga hayai kara, ima sukoshi matareta ga yoroshii deshou to. Ensan wa, shikashi, tomomawari no oozei na no o tanomi, ekiri no kotoba o shirizokete, shuppatsu shita. Zangetsu no hikari o tayori ni rinchuu no kusachi o tootte itta toki, hatashite ippiki no mouko ga kusamura no naka kara odorideta. Tora wa, awaya Ensan ni odorikakaru ka to mieta ga, tachimachi mi o hirugaeshite, moto no kusamura ni kakureta. Kusamura no naka kara ningen no koe de "Abunai tokoro datta" to kurikaeshi tsubuyaku no ga kikoeta. Sono koe ni Ensan wa kikioboe ga atta. Kyouku no uchi ni mo, kare wa tossa ni omoiatatte, sakenda."Sono koe wa, waga tomo, Richoushi dewa naika? " Ensan wa Richou to dounen ni shinji no dai ni nobori, yuujin no sukunakatta Richou ni totte wa, mottomo shitashii tomo deatta. Onwa na Ensan no seikaku ga, shunshou na Richou no seijou to shoutotsu shinakatta tame dearou.

Kusamura no naka kara wa, shibaraku henji ga nakatta. Shinobinaki ka to omowareru kasukana koe ga tokidoki moreru bakari de aru. Yaya atte, hikui koe ga kotaeta."Ika nimo jibun wa rousai no Richou dearu" to.

Ensan wa kyoufu o wasure, uma kara ori te kusamura ni chikaduki, natsukashige ni kyuukatsu o joshita. Soshite, naze kusamura kara detekonai no ka to touta. Richou no koe ga kotaete iu. Jibun wa ima ya irui no mi to natte iru. Doushite, omeome to tomo no mae ni asamashii sugata o saraseyouka. Katsu mata, jibun ga sugata o arawaseba, kanarazu kimi ni ifu ken'en no jou o okosaseru ni kimatte iru kara da. Shikashi, ima, hakarazumo tomo ni au koto o ete, kitan no nen o mo wasureru hodo ni natsukashii. Douka, hon no shibaraku de ii kara, waga ga shuuaku na ima no gaikei o itowazu, katsute kimi no tomo Richou de atta kono jibun to hanashi o kawashitekurenai darou ka.

Ato de kangaereba fushigi datta ga, sono toki, Ensan wa, kono choushizen no kaii o, jitsu ni sunao ni ukeirete, sukoshi mo ayashimou to shinakatta. Kare wa buka ni meijite gyouretsu no shinkou o tome, jibun wa kusamura no katawara ni tatte, miezaru koe to taidan shita. No uwasa, kyuuyuu no shousoku, Ensan ga genzai no chii, sore ni taisuru Richou no shukuji. Seinen jidai ni shitashikatta mono doudi no, ano hedate no nai gochou de, sorera ga katarareta ato, Ensan wa, Richou ga doushite ima no mi to naru ni itatta ka o tazuneta. Souchuu no koe wa tsugi no you ni katatta.

Ima kara ichinenhodo mae, jibun ga tabi ni dete josui no hotori ni tomatta yoru no koto, issui shite kara, futo me o samasu to, kogai de dareka ga wagana o yondeiru. Koe ni oujite soto e dete miru to, koe wa yami no naka kara shikirini jibun o maneku. Oboezu, jibun wa koe o oute hashiridashita. Muga muchuu de kakete iku uchi ni, itsushika michi wa sanrin ni hairi, shikamo, shiranu ma ni jibun wa sayuu no te de chi o tsukande hashitteita. Nanika karadajuu ni chika ga michi michita you na kanji de, karugaru to ganseki o tobikoete itta. Ki ga tsuku to, tesaki ya hiji no atari ni ke o shoujiteiru rashii. Sukoshi akaruku natte kara, tanigawa ni nozonde sugata o utsushite miru to, sudeni tora to natte ita. Jibun wa hajime me o shinjinakatta. Tsugini, kore wa yume ni chigainai to kangaeta. Yume no naka de, kore wa yume da zo to shitteiru you na yume o, jibun wa sore made ni mita koto ga atta kara. Doushite mo yume de nai to satoraneba naranakatta toki, jibun wa bouzen to shita. Soushite osoreta. Mattaku, donna koto demo okorieru no da to omoute, fukaku osoreta. Shikashi, naze konna koto ni natta no darou. Wakaranu. Mattaku nanigoto mo wareware niwa wakaranu. Riyuu mo wakarazu ni oshitsukerareta mono o otonashiku uketotte, riyuu mo wakarazu ni ikite iku no ga, wareware ikimono no sadame da. Jibun wa suguni shi o omouta. Shikashi, sono toki, me no mae o ippiki no usagi ga kakesugiru no o mita totan ni, jibun no naka no ningen wa tachimachi sugata o keshita. Futatabi jibun no naka no ningen ga me o samashita toki, jibun no kuchi wa usagi no chi ni mamire, atari niwa usagi no ke ga chirabatte ita. Kore ga tora toshite no saisho no keiken de atta. Sore irai imamade ni donna shogyou o shitsudukete kita ka, sore wa toutei kataru ni shinobinai. Tada, ichinichi no uchi ni kanarazu suujikan wa, ningen no kokoro ga kaette kuru. Souiu toki ni wa, katsute no hi to onajiku, jingo mo ayatsurereba, fukuzatsu na shikou nimo taeeru shi, keisho no shouku o soranzuru koto mo dekiru. Sono ningen no kokoro de, tora toshite no onore no zangyaku na okonai no ato o mi, onore no unmei o furikaeru toki ga, mottomo nasakenaku, osoroshiku, ikidooroshii. Shikashi, sono, ningen ni kaeru suujikan mo, hi o heru ni shitagatte shidai ni mijikakunatte iku. Imamade wa, doushite tora nado ni natta ka to ayashinde ita no ni, kono aida hyoito ki ga tsuite mitara, ore wa doushite izen, ningen datta no ka to kangaeteita. Kore wa osoroshii koto da. Ima sukoshi tateba, ore no naka no ningen no kokoro wa, kemono toshite no shuukan no naka ni sukkari umorete kiete shimau darou. Choudo, furui kyuuden no ishizue ga shidai ni dosha ni maibotsu suru you ni. Sousureba, shimai ni ore wa jibun no kako o wasurehate, ippiki no tora toshite kuruimawari, kyou no you ni michi de kimi to deatte mo tomo to mitomeru koto naku, kimi o sakikuroute nan no kui mo kanjinai darou. Ittai, kemono demo ningen de mo, moto wa nanika hokano mono datta n darou. Hajime wa sore o oboeteiru ga, shidai ni wasurete shimai, hajime kara ima no katachi no mono datta to omoikondeiru no dewa nai ka? iya, sonna koto wa doudemo ii. Ore no naka no ningen no kokoro ga sukkari kiete shimaeba, osoraku, sono hou ga, ore wa shiawase ni nareru darou. Danoni, ore no naka no ningen wa, sono koto o, kono ue naku osoroshiku kanjiteiru no da. Aa, mattaku, donna ni, osoroshiku, kanashiku, setsunaku omotte iru darou! ore ga ningen datta kioku no nakunaru koto o. Kono kimochi wa dare nimo wakaranai. Dare nimo wakaranai. Ore to onaji mi no ue ni natta mono de nakereba. Tokoro de, sou da. Ore ga sukkari ningen de nakunatte shimau mae ni, hitotsu tanonde okitai koto ga aru.

Ensan hajime ikkou wa, iki o nonde, souchuu no koe no kataru fushigi ni kikiitteita. Koe wa tsudukete iu.

Hoka demo nai. Jibun wa ganrai shijin toshite na o nasutsumori deita. Shikamo, gyou imada narazaru ni, kono unmei ni tachiitatta. Katsute tsukuru tokoro no shi suuhyaku pen, moto yori, mada yo ni okonawareteoranu. Ikou no shozai mo mohaya wakaranakunatte iyou. Tokoro de, sono uchi, ima mo nao kishou seru mono ga suujuu aru. Kore o waga ga tame ni denroku shite itadakitai no da. Nani mo, kore ni yotte hitorimae no shijindura o shitai no dewa nai. Saku no kouchi wa shirazu, tonikaku, san o yaburiri kokoro o kuruwasete made jibun ga shougai sore ni shuuchaku shita tokoro no mono o, ichibu nari tomo koudai ni tsutaenai de wa, shinde mo shini kirenai no da.

Ensan wa buka ni meiji, fude o totte souchuu no koe ni shitagatte kakitoraseta. Richou no koe wa kusamura no kara rourou to hibiita. Choutan oyoso sanjuu pen, kakuchou kouga, ishu takuitsu, ichidoku shite sakusha no sai no hibon o omowaseru mono bakari de aru. Shikashi, Ensan wa kantan shinagaramo bakuzen to tsugi no you ni kanjiteita. Naruhodo, sakusha no soshitsu ga daiichiryuu ni zokusuru mono de aru koto wa utagainai. Shikashi, kono mama de wa, daiichiryuu no sakuhin to naru no ni wa, doko ka (hijou ni bimyou na ten ni oite) kakeru tokoro ga aru no dewa nai ka, to.

Kyuushi o hakiowatta Richou no koe wa, totsuzen choushi o kaee, mizukara o azakeru ka gotoku ni itta.

Hazukashii koto da ga, ima de mo, konna asamashii mi to narihateta ima de mo, ore wa, ore no shishuu ga chouan fuuryuu jinshi no tsukue no ue ni okareteiru sama o, yume ni miru koto ga aru no da. Gankutsu no naka ni yokotawatte miru yume ni da yo. Waratte kure. Shijin ni narisokonatte tora ni natta awarena otoko o.(Ensan wa mukashi no seinen Richou no jichouheki o omoidashinagara, kanashiku kiiteita.) sou da. Owaraigusa tsuide ni, ima no omoi o sokuseki no shi ni nobete miyou ka. Kono tora no naka ni, mada, katsute no Richou ga ikiteiru shirushi ni.

Ensan wa mata geri ni meijite kore o kakitoraseta. Sono shi ni iu.

<Kanshi>

Toki ni, zangetsu, hikari hiyayaka ni, hakuro wa chi ni shigeku, jukan o wataru reifuu wa sudeni akatsuki no chikaki o tsugeteita. Hitobito wa mohaya, koto no kii o wasure, shukuzen to shite, kono shijin no hakkou o tanjita. Richou no koe wa futatabitsudukeru.

Naze konna unmei ni natta ka wakaranu to, senkoku wa itta ga, shikashi, kangaeyouni yoreba, omoiataru koto ga zenzen nai demo nai. Ningen de atta toki, ore wa tsutomete hito to no majiwari o sakeketa. Hitobito wa ore o kyogou da, sondai da to itta. Jitsu wa, sore ga hotondo shuuchishin ni chikai mono de aru koto o, hitobito wa shiranakatta. Mochiron, katsute no kyoutou no kisai to iwareta jibun ni, jisonshin ga nakatta to wa iwanai. Shikashi, sore wa okubyou na jisonshin to demo iubeki mono deatta. Ore wa shi ni yotte na o nasou to omoinagara, susunde shi ni tsuitari, motomete shiyuu to majiwatte sessa takuma ni tsutometari suru koto o shinakatta. Ka to itte, mata, ore wa zokubutsu no aida ni gosuru koto mo isagiyoshi to shinakatta. Tomoni, waga okubyou na jisonshin to, sondai na shuuchishin to no sei de aru. Onore no tama ni arazarukoto o osoreru ga yue ni, aete kokku shite migakou to mo sezu, mata, onore no tamanarubeki o nakaba shinzuru ga yue ni, rokuroku to shite kawara ni gosuru koto mo dekinakatta. Ore wa shidai ni yo to hanare, hito to toozakari, funmon to zan'i to ni yotte masumasu onore no uchinaru okubyou na jisonshin o kaifutoraseru kekka ni natta. Ningen wa dare demo moujuu tsukai de ari, sono moujuu ni ataru no ga, kakujin no seijou da to iu. Ore no baai, kono sondai na shuuchishin ga moujuu datta. Tora datta no da. Kore ga ore o sokonai, saishi o kurushime, yuujin o kizutsuke, hatete wa, ore no gaikei o kaku no gotoku, naishin ni fusawashii mono ni kaete shimatta no da. Ima omoeba, mattaku, ore wa, ore no motteita wazukabakari no sainou o kuuhi shite shimatta wake da. Jinsei wa nanigoto o mo nasanu niwa amari ni nagai ga, nanigoto ka o nasu niwa amari ni mijikai nado to kuchisaki bakari no keiku o roushi nagara, jijitsu wa, sainou no fusoku o bakuro suru ka mo shirenai to no hikyou na kigu to, kokku o itou taida to ga ore no subete datta no da. Ore yori mo haruka ni toboshii sainou de arinagara, sore o senitsu ni migaita ga tame ni, doudou taru shika to natta mono ga ikura demo iru no da. Tora to narihateta ima, ore wa youyaku sore ni ki ga tsuita. Sore o omou to, ore wa ima mo mune o yakareru you na kui o kanjiru. Ore niwa mohaya ningen toshite no seikatsu wa dekinai. Tatoe, ima, ore ga atama no naka de, donna sugureta shi o tsukutta ni shita tokorode, douiu shudan de happyou dekiyou. Mashite, ore no atama wa higoto ni tora ni chikaduite iku. Dou sure ba ii no da. Ore no kuuhi sareta kako wa? ore wa tamaranakunaru. Sou iu toki, ore wa, mukou no yama no itadaki no iwa ni nobori, kuukoku ni mukatte hoeru. Kono mune o yaku kanashimi o dare ka ni uttaetai no da. Ore wa yuube mo, asoko de tsuki ni mutte hoeta. Dareka ni kono kurushimi ga wakatte moraenaika to. Shikashi, kemono domo wa ore no koe o kiite, tada, osore, hirefusu bakari. Yama mo ki mo tsuki mo tsuyu mo, ippiki no tora ga ikarikurutte, taketteiru to shika kangaenai. Ten ni odori chini fushite nageitemo, darehitori ore no kimochi o wakattekureru mono wa nai. Choudo, ningen datta koro, ore no kizutsukiyasui naishin o dare mo rikai shite kurenakatta you ni. Ore no kegawa no nureta no wa, yotsuyu no tame bakari dewa nai.

Youyaku atari no kurasa ga usuraide kita. Ki no aida o tsutatte, doko kara ka, gyoukaku ga kanashige ni hibiki hajimeta.

Mohaya, wakare o tsugenebanaranu. Yowanebanaranu toki ga, (tora ni kaeranebanaranu toki ga) chikaduita kara, to, Richou no koe ga itta. Daga, owakare suru mae ni mouhitotsu tanomi ga aru. Sore wa waga ga saishi no koto da. Karera wa mada Kakuryaku ni iru. Moto yori, ore no unmei ni tsuite wa shiru hazu ga nai. Kimi ga minami kara kaettara, ore wa sudeni shinda to karera ni tsugete moraenai darou ka. Kesshite kyou no koto dake wa akasanai de hoshii. Atsukamashii onegai da ga, karera no kojaku o awaren de, kongo to mo douto ni kitou suru koto no nai you ni hakaratte itadakeru naraba, jibun ni totte, onkou, kore ni sugitaru wa nai.

Iiowatte, gouchuu kara doukoku no koe ga kikoeta. En mo mata namida o ukabe, yorokonde Richou no i ni soitai mune o kotaeta. Richou no koe wa shikashi tachimachi mata senkoku no jichouteki na choushi ni modotte, itta.

Hontou wa, mazu, kono koto no hou o sakini onegaisubekidatta no da, ore ga ningen datta nara. Uekogoeyouto suru saishi no koto yori mo, onore no toboshii shigyou no hou o ki ni kaketeiru you na otoko da kara, konna kemono ni mi o otosu no da.

Sou shite, tsukekuwaete iu koto ni, Ensan ga Reinan kara no kito niwa keshiite kono michi o tooranaide hoshii, sono toki niwa jibun ga yotteite tomo o mitomezu ni osoikakaru kamo shirenai kara. Mata, ima wakarete kara, zenpou hyappo no tokoro ni aru, ano oka ni agattara, kochira o furikaette mite moraitai. Jibun wa ima no sugata o mouichido ome ni kakeyou. Yuu ni hokorou to shite dewa nai. Waga ga shuuaku na sugata o shimeshite, motte, futatabi koko o sugite jibun ni aou to no kimochi o kimi ni okosasenai tame de aru to.

Ensan wa kusamura ni tte, nengoro ni wakare no kotoba o nobe, uma ni agatta. Kusamura no naka kara wa, mata, taeezaru ga gotoki hikyuu no koe ga moreta. Ensan mo ikudo ka kusamura o furikaerinagara, namida no naka ni shuppatsu shita.

Ikkou ga okanoue ni tsuita toki, karera wa, iwareta toori ni furikaette, sakihodo no rinkan no kusachi o nagameta. Tachimachi, ippiki no tora ga kusa no shigemi kara michi no ue ni odorideta no o karera wa mita. Tora wa, sudeni shiroku hikari o ushinatta tsuki o aoide, futakoe mikoe houkou shita ka to omou to, mata, moto no kusamura ni odoriitte, futatabi sono sugata o minakatta.

(2006. 8.12)