Kono shuu ni haitte iru tanpen wa, "Rashoumon" ,"Mujina" ,"Chuugi" o nozoite taitei kako ichinenkan kazoedoshi ni shite, jibun ga nijuugo-sai no toki ni kaita mono de aru. Soushite nakaba wa, jibun tachi ga keiei shite iru zasshi "Shin-shinchou" ni, ichido keisai sareta mono de aru.

  Kono kikan no jibun wa, Toukyou teikoku bunka daigaku no taida naru gakusei de atta. Kougi wa shuukan ni gorokujikan shika, kiki ni ikanai. Shiken wa itsumo, hanahada aimai na touan o kaite tsuuka suru, sotsugyou ronbun no gotoki wa, isshuukan de soubou no naka ni sakusei shita. Sono jibun ga korera no yogi ni fukeri nagara, tonikaku sotsugyou suru koto no dekita no wa, ichi ni dou-daigaku sho-kyouju no garyou ni ou tokoro ga sukunai. Tada henkyou naru jibun ga chuushin kara sono garyou ni kansha suru koto no dekinai no wa, ikan de aru.

  Jibun wa rashoumon izen ni mo, ikutsuka no tanpen o kaite ita. Osoraku mikansei no saku o mo kuwaetara, kono shuu ni ireta mono no nibai niwa, nobotte ita koto de arou. Touji, happyou suru ishi mo, happyou suru kikan mo nakatta jibun wa, sakusha to dokusha to hihyou ka to o isshin ni kanete, sore de kakubetsu fuman nimo omowanakatta. Mottomo. Tochuu de sandaime no "Shin-shinchou" no doujin ni natte, tanpen o hitotsu happyou shita koto ga aru. Ga, ma mo naku "Shin-shinchou" ga haikan suru to tomoni, jibun wa mata moto no toori bundan to wa en no nai ningen ni natte shimatta.

  Sore ga karekore ichinen bakari tsuzuku naka ni, ichido "Teikoku bungaku" no shinnen gou e genkou o mochikonde, kaesareta oboe ga aru ga, ma mo naku nidome no ga yatto onaji zasshi de katsuji ni nari, sandome no ga mata, hantoshi bakari tatte, dounika hinome o miru you na hakobi ni natta. Sono sandome ga, kono naka e ireta "Rashoumon" de aru. Sono happyougo ma mo naku, jibun wa hitozute ni Katou Takeo kun ga, jibun no shousetsu o yonda to iu koto o kiita. Kotowatte oku ga, yonda to iu koto o kiita no de, hometa to iu koto o kiita no dewa nai. Keredomo jibun wa soredake de, manzoku de atta. Kore ga jibun no shousetsu mo yuujin igai ni dokusha ga aru, soushite mata douji ni arieru to iu koto o shitta hajime de aru

  Tsuide, yondaime no "Shin-shinchou" ga Kume, Matsuoka, Kikuchi, Narise, jibun no gonin no te de, hakkan sareta. Soushite, sono shogou ni notta "Hana" o, Natsume Sensei ni, tegami de homete itadaita. Kore ga jibun no shousetsu o yuujin igai no hito ni hihyou sareta, soushite mata douji ni homete moratta hajime de aru.

  Jirai hodo naku, Suzuki Miekichi shi no suisen ni yotte, "Imogayu" o "Shin-shousetsu" ni happyou shita ga "Shin-shinchou" igai no zasshi ni kikou shita no wa, mushiro "Kibou" ni kakagerareta, "Shirami" o motte hajime to suru no de aru.

  Jibun ga, ijou no koto o kono shuu no ato ni kishita no wa, korera no sakuhin o kaita toki no jibun o ikubun demo jibun ni kinen shita katta kara ni hokanaranai. Jibun no sousaku ni taisuru shoken, taido no gotoki wa, onozukara hoka ni happyou suru kikai ga aru de arou. Tada, jibun wa masumasu jibun rashii michi o, jibun rashiku aruku koto ni yotte nomi, tashou nari tomo seichou shi eru koto o kanjite iru. Shitagatte, shibashiba jibun no choudai suru shin-richi-ha to ii, shin-gikou-ha to iu meishou no gotoki wa, izure mo jibun ni totte wa mushiro meiwaku na harifudataru ni suginai. Sorera no meishou ni yotte gaikatsu sareru hodo, jibun no sakuhin no tokushoku ga senmei de tanjun da to wa, toutei jishin suru yuuki ga nai kara de aru.

  Saigo ni jibun wa, tsune ni jibun o shigeki shi kobu shitekureru "Shin-shinchou" no doujin ni taishite, aratamete kansha no i o arawashitai to omou. Kono shuu no gotoki mo, arui wa shokun no na ni yotte -- doujin no hitori no chosaku to shite obotsukanai sonzai o mirai ni tamotsu you na koto ga aru kamo shirenai. Sounareba, mochiron jibun wa manzoku de aru. Ga, sou naranaku tomo mata kanarazushimo manzoku de nai koto wa nai. Aete doujin ni kotoba o yoseru yuen de aru

(Taishou 6 nen 5 gatsu)

(2006.1.21)